Even wild things have slow mornings.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

76 shares on Twitch this month:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.