Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Spotted on Slack:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Just shared via Instagram:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Going viral on Instagram:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Just landed via Discord:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

For Halloween, you should be mine.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Stealing hearts and candy this Halloween! 💘🍬👻

flirtation, Halloween, holiday, love, mine, pun, romantic, should

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

2 months ago

actually, affection, compliment, flirting, humor, i, ID, learn, much, number, phone, phone number
The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

2 months ago

back, business, conversation, day, ego, humor, male, nostalgia, storytelling, tell, urge, used
It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

4 months ago

adulthood, being, humor, irony, just, lesson, life, life lesson, new, responsibility, responsible, reward, sucks
I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

2 days ago

activity, am, away, change, changes, expression, fun, fun activity, i, karaoke, lungs, music, Oasis, person, personal, personal change, singing, slide, song, top
The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

2 months ago

autobiography, going, growth, humor, ID, irony, learn, learning, lessons, life, life lessons, mistakes, personal, personal growth, self-reflection, think, title, titles
Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

2 months ago

beauty, confidence, delay, fashion, glow-up, haircut, humor, i, iconic, just, rugged, self-care, self-improvement, sometimes, style

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

47 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

22 shares on Discord this month:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Spotted on WeChat:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Just landed via Discord:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Spotted on Threads:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨