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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Spotted on Instagram:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Going viral on TikTok:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Just shared via TikTok:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Breaking via Discord:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Funny congrats quotes

Funny congrats quotes bring the perfect mix of laughter and celebration to any achievement 🎉😂 Whether it’s a promotion, graduation, or just surviving Monday, these witty lines add sparkle ✨ and smiles 😄 to your messages. Ready to make someone’s day extra hilarious and memorable? Dive into a world where congratulations meet comedy 🎈🤣 and turn ordinary moments into unforgettable fun!

New funny congrats quotes 👇

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

0

3 weeks ago

30s, compliment, congrats, dating, decision making, humor, panic, person, pick, relationship, should, unmarried, wrong
Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

0

2 months ago

again, another, congrats, humor, i, introvert, know, meeting, never, person, social
In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

0

2 months ago

4, commitment, congrats, contract, humor, me, news, relationship, therapist, therapy, year
Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

0

3 months ago

bigger, business, congrats, deadline, even, fired, firing, hitting, humor, missing, number, numbers, performance, pressure, q3, Q3 number, q4, Q4 number, work
I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

0

4 months ago

5, congrats, congratulation, drunk, drunk text, engagement, friend, girl, glasses, humor, i, media, old, old friend, post, reaction, social, social media, someone, spoken, sweet, text, wine

All funny congrats quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Slack this month:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

11 shares on Facebook this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,558

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Trending via Threads:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Trending via Instagram:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Just shared via WeChat:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m sick of living through history!

Spotted on Threads:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Going viral on Threads:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Men are very good at being women lately.

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