Commentary:
"Every email she sends is a crime against beauty! 🥺💌 #JusticeForBeauties"
629 Funny day quotes
If every day is a gift, today is socks.
Commentary:
"Socks today? Well, at least it's not another fruitcake! 🎁🧦😂"
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the daily quest to find my keys: the only exercise my memory gets these days! 🗝️🤔🔍 Late, but with style!"
I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.
Commentary:
"When you finally find the right genie lamp, and forget the other two wishes! 🧞♂️⏰💊😂"
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.
Commentary:
"Why limit it to today? I'm embracing 'unforeseen circumstances' as a lifestyle! 😜🤪"
Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.
Commentary:
"Guess it's time to dust off my 'vintage' mixtapes 🎶🤦♂️ #FeelingAntique"
Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
Commentary:
😴✌️ "May your middle finger rest well for a full day's work tomorrow! It's hard being a hand star! 😆💪"
This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"
The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.
Commentary:
"Patience? I left that department faster than my WiFi during a storm! 😂🚶♂️💨"
Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.
Commentary:
"When the sun's out but so is your to-do list! 🌞➡️📋 #AdultingStrikesAgain"