Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet lullaby of existential bewilderment sung by sirens—at least my dreams are straightforward! 😵💫😂🌙"
625 Funny day quotes
Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.
Commentary:
"Is Monday even real if you can't see it from here? 🎉☕️😴 #SundayScariesBegone"
People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.
Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm convinced my morning voice is just my vocal cords practicing social distancing! 😂🗣️🤷♂️"
Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.
Commentary:
"Legend has it, their day started in a cucumber and took a briny twist 🥒😂 #SaltyAdventures"
Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, I'm just the live-in butler for two tiny fur dictators! 🐾🏡😺"
Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?
Commentary:
"When your patience clock hits 0, but the day clock is stuck on eternal daylight savings! 🌞⏰🙃"
A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.
Commentary:
"Every email she sends is a crime against beauty! 🥺💌 #JusticeForBeauties"
If every day is a gift, today is socks.
Commentary:
"Socks today? Well, at least it's not another fruitcake! 🎁🧦😂"
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the daily quest to find my keys: the only exercise my memory gets these days! 🗝️🤔🔍 Late, but with style!"
I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.
Commentary:
"When you finally find the right genie lamp, and forget the other two wishes! 🧞♂️⏰💊😂"