Commentary:
"Nothing like a morning jog to remind me why I prefer pancakes! 🏃♂️🥞😅"
629 Funny day quotes
I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.
Commentary:
"Happy to keep Mark's sandwich fund going! 🥪💻🤣 #FullTimeScroller"
Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.
Commentary:
"When you finally defeat the mini-boss only to find out the final boss is immune to emotional vulnerability attacks 🤖💔😂"
The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.
Commentary:
"Guess I should have said 'Thanks, I'll try!' 😂🛒✨"
Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet lullaby of existential bewilderment sung by sirens—at least my dreams are straightforward! 😵💫😂🌙"
Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.
Commentary:
"Is Monday even real if you can't see it from here? 🎉☕️😴 #SundayScariesBegone"
People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.
Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm convinced my morning voice is just my vocal cords practicing social distancing! 😂🗣️🤷♂️"
Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.
Commentary:
"Legend has it, their day started in a cucumber and took a briny twist 🥒😂 #SaltyAdventures"
Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, I'm just the live-in butler for two tiny fur dictators! 🐾🏡😺"
Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?
Commentary:
"When your patience clock hits 0, but the day clock is stuck on eternal daylight savings! 🌞⏰🙃"