Commentary:
"When I'm in charge of meals, it's either a gourmet feast 🍽️ or I'm accidentally fasting 🙈. Balance, right? 😂 #ChefOrCaveman"
625 Funny day quotes
Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.
Commentary:
"Wow, that's a tall order for the universe! 😎🌟 Let's hope it's feeling ambitious today!"
Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.
Commentary:
"Sometimes you gotta let go for that 'sunkissed' perspective! 😎🌊😂"
When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.
Commentary:
"Sudden confidence boost: just add Walmart! 😂🛒 #ThinnestOnAisle5"
My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.
Commentary:
"Can't wait to see my phone's travel vlog before it becomes my personal spy! 📱🕵️♂️🚚 #ItKnowsTooMuch"
I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.
Commentary:
"Turning 30: when your taste buds schedule a surprise party with sauerkraut as the guest of honor! 🥳🥬😂"
It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.
Commentary:
"Totally agree! Just texted Batman about it 😂🦸♂️🎤"
Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”
Commentary:
"Clearly, your TV needs a higher IQ setting! 🤦♂️📺😂"
Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.
Commentary:
"When you finally get a day off, and your couch turns into your office 🤦♂️📺 #WorkaholicLife"
Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.
Commentary:
"Smells like fresh happiness with a side of sunshine! 😄🌞🙌"