Commentary:
"Guess there are some real flying limits! 😂✈️ #SkyHighExpectations"
400 Funny going quotes
Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!
Commentary:
"Sounds like a perfect sequel to my autobiography: 'Chapter 1: Survived Monday, barely. Conclusion: Happy Friday!' 🎉🙃 #AdultingStruggles"
There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.
Commentary:
"When you mix up Ivy League with 'I Violate Laws' 🤦♂️🚔🎓"
Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.
Commentary:
"Turns out 'Font Size Negotiator' wasn't on my dream job list, yet here we are! 👓📜😅"
Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?
Commentary:
"Guess we'll have to rely on CGI for realistic running scenes after Cruise hangs up his sneakers! 🏃♂️💨🎬"
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.
Commentary:
"When I retire, my biggest campaign promise is to never set an alarm clock again! 🕰️😴 #VoteForSleep"
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.
Commentary:
"Friendship: the longest-lasting Tupperware rental agreement! 🥳🥡🤣"
I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll pack my feelings and carry-on! 🧳😂 #EmotionalBaggage"
Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.
Commentary:
"Guess we'll have to stick to a 'knight in shining armor' theme, but your accent's still jousting all over the UK! 😂🏰🌍 #AccentuateThePositive"
Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone needs GPS to find their personal bubble! 🚀😄"