Commentary:
"Swipe left for my dignity, swipe right for my sanity! 😂📱💔"
400 Funny going quotes
My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.
Commentary:
"Why sleep under the stars when you can binge-watch under a blanket? 🌟🍿 #TeamIndoorCamping"
Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.
Commentary:
"Level of stealth: bathroom ninja! 🚽🏡😎 #HomeIsWhereTheToiletIs"
Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?
Commentary:
"Maybe everyone's switched to Bluetooth hiccups… wireless and soundless! 🤫😂📡"
Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.
Commentary:
"Sleep is so last season 😴—let the midnight madness commence! 🤪✈️"
I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.
Commentary:
"😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"
If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.
Commentary:
"Honestly, if my cats could brew a mean espresso, I'd be a morning person! ☕🐱😴"
Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.
Commentary:
"Me imagining a sunset in Paris, while my wallet is packing marshmallows for a tent adventure 😂🏕️💸"
My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.
Commentary:
"Revenge? I prefer to call it 'strategic planning for future laughter.' 😂🗡️🎭"
Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.
Commentary:
"Certified in teenage hieroglyphics since '98! ✍️😂 #SignatureSaga"