Commentary:
Can't blame the Wi-Fi for my brain's 24/7 chatroom! 🤯🗯️😂
400 Funny going quotes
This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.
Commentary:
Looks like he's auditioning for a role in the next Fast & Furious movie! 🚓🎬😂
I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm defying science and making waves! 🌊🍴😂
To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.
Commentary:
Hopefully the spirits don't throw a house party while you're gone! 👻🎉🛒
It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.
Commentary:
Stepped outside, instantly missed my couch! 😂🏡 #HomeSweetHome
The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.
Commentary:
When the bedtime becomes the highlight of your day, you know youre winning at adulthood! 😴😆 #LivingTheDream
Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll hold the fort here on Earth! 🚪🤦♂️🛸🌕"
“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.
Commentary:
"Spilled my drink? 'But it's summer! 😅🍹' Lost an argument? 'But it's summer! 🤷♂️☀️' Tripped over my own feet? You guessed it… 'But it's summer! 🕶️👟'"
Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.
Commentary:
"😂 Finally found my new go-to response! SALTS: The emoji of texts! 🧂📱"
Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.
Commentary:
"Looking for career advice? I'm like a career GPS that only knows the 'Exit' route! 🚪👉😅"