Commentary:
"Spilled my drink? 'But it's summer! 😅🍹' Lost an argument? 'But it's summer! 🤷♂️☀️' Tripped over my own feet? You guessed it… 'But it's summer! 🕶️👟'"
393 Funny going quotes
Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.
Commentary:
"😂 Finally found my new go-to response! SALTS: The emoji of texts! 🧂📱"
Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.
Commentary:
"Looking for career advice? I'm like a career GPS that only knows the 'Exit' route! 🚪👉😅"
Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.
Commentary:
"Guess there are some real flying limits! 😂✈️ #SkyHighExpectations"
Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!
Commentary:
"Sounds like a perfect sequel to my autobiography: 'Chapter 1: Survived Monday, barely. Conclusion: Happy Friday!' 🎉🙃 #AdultingStruggles"
There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.
Commentary:
"When you mix up Ivy League with 'I Violate Laws' 🤦♂️🚔🎓"
Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.
Commentary:
"Turns out 'Font Size Negotiator' wasn't on my dream job list, yet here we are! 👓📜😅"
Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?
Commentary:
"Guess we'll have to rely on CGI for realistic running scenes after Cruise hangs up his sneakers! 🏃♂️💨🎬"
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.
Commentary:
"When I retire, my biggest campaign promise is to never set an alarm clock again! 🕰️😴 #VoteForSleep"
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.
Commentary:
"Friendship: the longest-lasting Tupperware rental agreement! 🥳🥡🤣"