Commentary:
"Ah yes, the one-mouse conspiracy: they just change disguises whenever we blink! 🐭🕵️♂️🤣"
250 Funny house quotes
I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.
Commentary:
"Haunted house: Spooky fun. Structural repairs: Spooky bills! 👻🔨💸"
Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.
Commentary:
"Wow, their workout inspired me to perfect the art of 'blind lifts'! 😂🏋️♂️🚪"
The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”
Commentary:
"The worst thing you can do while cleaning is accidentally hit the 'accept all cookies' button! 🍪🧹😂"
Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?
Commentary:
"Sure, but I hope you ordered enough pizza for everyone on the planet! 🍕🌍😄"
I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?
Commentary:
"Plot twist: Fido's secretly moonlighting as an air traffic controller 🐶✈️ 'Excuse me, got a tail-wag emergency in the kitchen!'"
We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cycle of 'relaxing' by doing chores! Who needs rest when you've got a lawn to mow? 😅🏡🛠️"
If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.
Commentary:
"Who knew 'paranormal activity included' was a selling point? Time to ask for that ghostly rebate! 👻🏚️😂"
Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.
Commentary:
"Who knew being a homebody was actually an advanced social strategy? 😂🏠 #WinningAtIntroversion"
I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?
Commentary:
"Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I'm bringing blueprints to the date. 🏡👷♀️🍳"