Commentary:
Sounds like my kind of workout: a mental marathon where I cheer myself on from the couch! 🛋️💪😴
250 Funny house quotes
Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.
Commentary:
"Finally, peace and quiet! Now to enjoy my 'lottery winnings' by not sharing the remote. 🎉📺 #LivingTheDream"
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.
Commentary:
When you want to heat things up but not at the cost of calling the neighbors! 🏠😲🔥
American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?
Commentary:
"Because who needs a foyer when you can trip over shoes and pets as soon as you enter? 🚪🐶👟 #WelcomeChaos"
I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.
Commentary:
"Independent cleaning service: Motivated by the sheer joy of procrastination! 🧹😅🙃"
Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.
Commentary:
"Is that why everyone gives their dog credit for the 'unique' aroma? 😂🐶🏠 #NoseBlind"
Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”
Commentary:
"Dream big or go home… oh wait, I can't afford that either! 😅🏠💸 #KitchenCriticWithEmptyPockets"
Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, I'm just the live-in butler for two tiny fur dictators! 🐾🏡😺"
I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.
Commentary:
"😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"
Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?
Commentary:
🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑