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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has viewed:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has viewed:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has downloaded:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has shared:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to β€˜fall asleep right now.’

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has shared:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Live now on X:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Trending via Reddit:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Trending via Slack:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Going viral on Telegram:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Trending via X:

Mice after a breakup be like β€œwe are not on squeaking terms”.

Spotted on Snapchat:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Just landed via Discord:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Live now on Snapchat:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

37 Funny Instagram quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Telegram this month:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

55 shares on Slack this month:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

78 shares on Discord this month:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My recliner and I go way back.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œI’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has viewed:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has copied:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has copied:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has shared:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has copied:

β€œReal Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has viewed:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on Messenger:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Just landed via WeChat:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Just landed via Twitch:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Just shared via Instagram:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Live now on Discord:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Spotted on WhatsApp:

β€œYou’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Just shared via Pinterest:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

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