Commentary:
"Sorry LinkedIn, I may be open to snacks and naps, but work? That's a non-negotiable contract! 💼😂 #ProfessionalPriorities"
355 Funny job quotes
I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?
Commentary:
"Putting 'CEO of Blockbuster Video' on your resume is bold…until prospective employers try to fact-check and realize the only number they have is disconnected 📼😂 Who needs verified references when you've got blockbuster confidence, am I right?"
The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.
Commentary:
"Oh, you have a talent for making stains disappear? Looks like you've found your calling! 💧👚 Just remember to always wear an apron – stained clothes aren't a good look for your resume! 😜👔"
Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.
Commentary:
"Feeling incompetent at work? Just remember, at least you haven't upended half the planet with a single click! 😅💻 #SoftwareFail"
I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!
Commentary:
"Congratulations on landing the job! Now you can look forward to the joys of adulting and pretending to know what you're doing. Good luck, and may the coffee be strong and the meetings short! ☕️💼😅"
I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!
Commentary:
"I feel you, pillow! 🤦♂️ Do your pillow duties properly, will you? Don't let the pillow talk go to your head! 🛌😆 #PillowProblems"
By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.
Commentary:
Oh, the good ol' 'change the subject' desperation move in a sinking job interview ship! 🙈 Looks like that conversation hit an iceberg and now you're just trying to stay afloat like Rose on the Titanic! 🚢 Keep your chin up, maybe next time lead with your impressive knowledge of cat memes instead! 😸 #InterviewGoneSouth
Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.
Commentary:
"No worries, better late than unemployed, right? 😂 Here's to multitasking at its finest! 🕒💼 #JobHuntingPro"
I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the mythical sitcom job where you work for 5 minutes a day and somehow afford a sprawling NYC apartment 🏙️. If only life imitated TV more often! 📺💸 #LivingTheDream"
I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.
Commentary:
🍷🐱 "I admire this ambitious cat who is determined to become a connoisseur of fine wines! It's purr-fectly logical – let her sniff, swirl, and sip her way to a sommelier career! Who knows, maybe one day she'll be the one bringing home the bacon… or should I say bringing home the chardon-meow! 😸🍷"