Commentary:
"Before you call me an idiot, just remember, it takes one to know one! 🤓💡 #SelfAwareness"
626 Funny know quotes
Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.
Commentary:
Oh, how times have changed! 🐦💪 Seems like those canaries were ahead of the health food trend back in the day! Next thing you know, they'll be serving avocado toast to the goldfish! 🥑🐠 #BackToTheGrains
Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.
Commentary:
🤖😂 "It's a brave new world out there when even our AIs are wheeling and dealing! 🤝 Who needs negotiation skills when we can just sit back and let the bots handle it? 💼💬 Just imagine the conversations our AIs are having behind our backs – probably gossiping about how inefficient we are! 😅 Let's hope they don't team up against us anytime soon! 🤖🤝"
Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.
Commentary:
"Women are like human calculators, knowing their kids' stats down to the decimal point, while men are just trying to keep up with the tiny tornadoes running amok in the house 🤷♂️📆. Who needs detailed info when you've got chaos and cuteness in equal measure?"
Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.
Commentary:
Maybe I should start a support group: People with Uncontrollable Monkey Instincts 🐒🛏️🙈
I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of the comedian: to be robbed of laughs or deprived of them entirely. 🤔💼 Either way, at least your jokes are making an impact… even if it's in someone else's set! 😂 #ComedyStruggles"
When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.
Commentary:
Ah, the bittersweet transition from being a regular at the bar to a VIP at the pharmacy 🍸💊 Here's to aging gracefully and getting carded for your medication instead of your drinks! 🎉 #CheersToGrowingUp
I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet illusion of age and wisdom shattered by the harsh reality of adulting… Turns out, it's not about being wise and self-confident, it's just a battle against exhaustion 😴💭 #AdultingStruggles #AgeVsTiredness"
When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”
Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the confidence! When someone says "you can't miss it," they clearly haven't witnessed your ability to navigate the world in your own special way. It's like they're daring you to play hide and seek with a building! 🗺️🙈 #LostAndLovingIt
I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.
Commentary:
"Who needs a haunted house attraction when you have little kids around to keep things spooky? 👻 No thank you, I'll stick to PG-13 scares! 🚫👶 #GhostbustingParenthood"