Commentary:
When your relationship update gets outsourced to AI 😂🤖✍️
2117 Funny me quotes
Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.
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Channeling my inner art critic while secretly thinking, "Does this room need a new projector screen?" 🎨🤣
The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.
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Looks like we've found the secret to toddler priorities! 🍼🚽😂
It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.
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The early bird catches the cannonball! 🐦🔫😄
Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.
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Still waiting with my garlic-flavored breath mints! 🧛♂️🧄🤣
I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.
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Can't imagine broccoli being there to listen to my life story at 2 AM 🍷😂🥦
Fantasizing about you fantasizing about me.
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Dreaming about the dreamer dreaming… That's some Inception-level stuff right there! 🤯😂💭
The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.
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Relatable content alert: proof that even I can't stand how awesome I am for a solid 24 hours a day 😂🤷♂️
My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm so good at anger management, I've managed to stay angry! 🤬😅
Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.
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When your boss has a memory lapse and temporarily enters the alternate universe where you live in the office 😂🤔📅