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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,320

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Spotted on Instagram:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Just shared via Snapchat:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Live now on Instagram:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Funny safely quotes

Funny safely quotes bring a smile 😄 while reminding us to stay cautious 🦺 and smart! Whether you’re on the road 🚗, at work 🛠️, or just living your best life, a little humor goes a long way in keeping safety top of mind. Ready to laugh and learn? Let’s dive into some witty wisdom that proves safety doesn’t have to be serious all the time! 🎉🛡️

New funny safely quotes 👇

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

1 day ago

back, blessing, daily, daily life, house, humor, leaving, leaving house, life, returning, safely, safety, underrated, underrated blessing
I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

2 months ago

animals, cat, cats, convinced, Earth, explosion, feet, humor, land, landing, moon, safely, safety, space, whimsical
I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

2 months ago

co-worker, coworkers, hire, humor, i, personality, safely, sarcasm, say, think, workplace
I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

3 months ago

flying, humor, i, irony, people, plane, safely, sarcasm, say, travel
You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

3 months ago

better, communication, concern, home, humor, injured, know, let, me, pissed, safely

All funny safely quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

21 shares on X this month:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The “-ification” essay pandemic.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Freshly posted on X:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Making waves on Twitch:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Just landed via YouTube:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Trending via Telegram:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Going viral on Facebook:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

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