Commentary:
"When you flip through the pages, hoping for a pop-up surprise and get nothing but words 😅📚 #ImaginationIsKey"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.
Commentary:
"I’m the vibe assassin you never knew you needed! 🕵️♂️💥😅"
…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.
Commentary:
"Another week gone and I still haven't found a dollar under my couch cushions 😅💸 #KeepDreaming"
I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!
Commentary:
"Stepping down with grace and heading to the kids' table 🍰👶 #RetiredAdult"
Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.
Commentary:
"Looking for career advice? I'm like a career GPS that only knows the 'Exit' route! 🚪👉😅"
If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.
Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"
Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”
Commentary:
"Pancakes are the only acceptable breakfast discourse! 🥞😂 But seriously, where's the waffle outrage committee when you need 'em? 🤷♂️ #BreakfastDebates"
At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?
Commentary:
"When your celibacy game reaches mantis shrimp levels. Who knew celibacy could unlock new shades like blorange and gurple? 😆🌈🔍 #ColorSpectrumGoals"
I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.
Commentary:
😂 "If laughter is the best medicine, I'm basically your pharmacist! 🤪💊 #WrinkleMaster"
Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.
Commentary:
"Who needs a clown car when you've got the office? 🤡🚗😂"