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Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open. - 96 shares on Threads this week.
In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day. - 37 shares on WhatsApp this week.
Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’ - 91 shares on Instagram this week.
My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that. - 29 shares on WhatsApp this week.
I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise. - 82 shares on YouTube this week.

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Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Posted on6 days ago

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