334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

  Commentary:
  "Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else's microwave, then suddenly it's a kitchen version of a Rubik's cube 🧐🤔🔥 Don't underestimate the complexity of reheating leftovers in foreign territory! 😂🍲🕒"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of motherhood – where a full-body cast starts looking like a spa day 🧘‍♀️💆‍♀️ Take a deep breath, mama – relaxation comes in many forms! 😅👶 #MomLife #SpaDayOrERDay"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

  Commentary:
  "Brain feeling a bit soggy, huh? 🧠💦 Sounds like a job for Brain Wrangler Extraordinaire! Time for a mental spin cycle! 🔄💫"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

  Commentary:
  Looks like we have a new executive chef in the office! 🍴👨‍🍳 Don't forget to savor the unique aroma of success…or maybe just open a window. 😂 #ChefOfTheYear

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Be the reason someone burns sage.

  Commentary:
  "Be the reason someone burns sage, not bridges! 🔥✨ Spread good vibes, not drama! 🌿😄 #PositivityIsContagious"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the incredible multitasking genius of the human brain! 🧠 From figuring out complex concepts to navigating social situations, it never fails to impress. But watch out folks, as soon as those butterflies flutter in your stomach, all bets are off! 🦋 Love: 1, Brain: 0. The struggle is real, folks. 😂 #BrainVsLove"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of in-person interaction – feeling the warmth of a familiar face, not facing a spreadsheet ninja like Denise from finance 🤣🤝 #OfficeDrama"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

  Commentary:
  "Those tater tots better watch out, looks like trouble ahead! 🥔😄 Stay crispy, little tots!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

  Commentary:
  "Better cozy up together before the bedbugs start swiping right! 😂🛌🔥 #CuddleOrCompete"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the modern dating landscape – a complex dance of complication and chaos! 🕺💔 It's like trying to find a unicorn in a field of mermaids and centaurs! 🦄🧜‍♂️ But hey, just remember, finding someone who's not a little damaged is like finding a needle in a haystack… in a tornado! 🌪️📍 Keep your sense of humor intact and your heart open, for love will find its way

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