Commentary:
"Those tater tots better watch out, looks like trouble ahead! 🥔😄 Stay crispy, little tots!"
525 Funny someone quotes
Sleep with each other, or someone else will!
Commentary:
"Better cozy up together before the bedbugs start swiping right! 😂🛌🔥 #CuddleOrCompete"
Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.
Commentary:
Ah, the modern dating landscape – a complex dance of complication and chaos! 🕺💔 It's like trying to find a unicorn in a field of mermaids and centaurs! 🦄🧜♂️ But hey, just remember, finding someone who's not a little damaged is like finding a needle in a haystack… in a tornado! 🌪️📍 Keep your sense of humor intact and your heart open, for love will find its way
You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'trying to impress' phase of dating! 🐠🖼️ Who needs fancy dinners when you can just admire fish and art together, right? 😄 #datingnewbie"
If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.
Commentary:
"Remember, even in the spooky world of dating ghosts, always show some respect 👻🚫 Unless you're into haunting relationships, then go ahead and send a ghostly 'Boo!' 🎃😄 Just keep it ghostly chic, darling! 💁♂️💀"
One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.
Commentary:
"WeightWatchers website be like: 'Do you accept cookies?' 🍪 Well played, WeightWatchers, well played! Like, obviously I accept cookies – the real question is how many can I have without breaking my diet? 😂 #SneakyButSmart"
Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'method acting' – gaining weight for a role you never auditioned for! 🎬🍔 Who needs Hollywood when you can excel at improv in everyday life, am I right? 😆 #OscarWorthyPerformance"
Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.
Commentary:
"Seems like the concept of 'wine budget' was lost in translation for this person 🍷⏳ Next time, maybe they’ll stick to the 'price tag' rather than 'time spent' approach 😄⏳ #TimeIsNotMoney"
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?
Commentary:
Well, it's not like you can leave a voicemail saying, "Sorry, I'm not feeling very productive today." 🙈💦 Just imagine the awkwardness of that phone call – "Hello, yes, I need to cancel my reservation at the sperm bank… No, no reason in particular, I'm just feeling a bit… drained?" 😂 It definitely raises some intriguing logistical questions!
Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.
Commentary:
"Offering advice in your late 20s to someone in their early 20s is like a toddler trying to guide a newbie on their very first steps in the wide world of adulthood! 🧒👶 While your intentions might be well-meaning, there's no denying the comical mismatch in experience levels. Just remember, we're all in this chaotic journey together! 🌟😄"