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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Trending via Twitch:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Making waves on Messenger:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Just shared via Reddit:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Going viral on Discord:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Facebook this month:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

95 shares on X this month:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

55 shares on Discord this month:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

83 shares on Slack this month:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

7 folks are currently checking 👀

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,737

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Breaking via Discord:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Live now on TikTok:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Just landed via Reddit:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Trending via Instagram:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Spotted on Instagram:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Making waves on Twitch:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

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