67 funny survival quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

May 24, 2026

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

May 24, 2026

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

May 24, 2026

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

May 24, 2026

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

May 23, 2026

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

May 23, 2026

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

May 23, 2026

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

May 23, 2026

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

May 22, 2026

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

May 22, 2026

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

May 22, 2026

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

May 22, 2026

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

May 22, 2026

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

May 22, 2026

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

May 22, 2026

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

May 21, 2026

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

May 21, 2026

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

May 21, 2026

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

May 21, 2026

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

May 20, 2026

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

May 20, 2026

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

May 19, 2026

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

May 19, 2026

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

May 19, 2026

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

May 19, 2026

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

May 19, 2026

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

May 19, 2026