Commentary:
Someone's been chewing on idioms instead of their veggies! 😂🌿🥦
57 Funny whatever quotes
When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.
Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a wife, I'm also a handy 'get out of jail free' card! 🎟️😂 #MasterOfExcuses"
My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.
Commentary:
💦✨ "Guess I need lessons on how to sparkle like a disco ball! Anyone got a beginner’s guide to glistening?" 😂💎
Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”
Commentary:
"Lol, I'm officially fluent in Sarcasm Level 99! 🎓🤦♂️😂"
Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.
Commentary:
"All the rumors are true, and the truth is even juicier! 😜📢 #SorryNotSorry"
The world is my ostrich, or whatever.
Commentary:
"When life hands you an ostrich, just remember: it can't fly away with your dreams! 🦩✨"
Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.
Commentary:
"Dear Universe, I'd like a lifetime supply of pizza, a unicorn, and maybe just one day where my WiFi doesn’t decide to take a vacation 🤞🍕🦄📡"
For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.
…
Commentary:
🎉🧠 "Heads up, everyone! It's like software updates, but for me! Time to hit 'refresh' and wave bye-bye to those old versions! 🚫🗑️🤣"
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.
Commentary:
"Mission accomplished if you get a smile! If they block you… well, at least you're memorable! 😄🚫😂"
Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.
Commentary:
"Oh no, I knew my astrological Wi-Fi was acting up! 📡🔮😅 #MercuryInGatorade"