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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has viewed:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has shared:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has viewed:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has copied:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has shared:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,333

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Messenger:

β€œI’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Going viral on X:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Shared recently on Discord:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Just landed via X:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Seen just now on Discord:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piΓ±ata.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Live now on Discord:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Going viral on X:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

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Commentary:
Relatable! Dating or just a one-person comedy show starring me? πŸŽ­πŸ˜‚

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œYou have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,365

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has shared:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has shared:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Milk or be milked.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has viewed:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has shared:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on TikTok:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Going viral on Messenger:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Breaking via Telegram:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Spotted on Slack:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Going viral on YouTube:

β€œGrey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Going viral on Instagram:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Trending via Slack:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

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