Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Live now on Threads:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Shared recently on Discord:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Going viral on Pinterest:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Just shared via Telegram:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Calamari tried and survived… marriage, here I come! 🦑💍🤣"

bad, calamari, comparison, ever, experiment, first time, food, food experiment, humor, joke, life, life joke, marriage, maybe, next, time, try, trying, trying food, unexpected, unexpected comparison

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

0

2 months ago

circus, clown, election, expectation, humor, politics, satire
Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

0

2 months ago

around, humor, patience, patience test, sarcasm, situation, social, social situation, something, test, too, witnesses
All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

0

2 months ago

back, balcony, communication, country, decisions, fact, humor, i, people, speak, wrong
Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

0

2 months ago

excuse, forgetfulness, humor, i, late, lateness, shower, sorry, standing, stuff, thinking
Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

0

2 months ago

dynamic, friendship, gender, hang, humor, LGBTQ, men, orientation, relationships, sexual, sexual orientation, social, social dynamic, stereotypes, straight, why, women
Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

0

2 months ago

adult, affair, affairs, again, call, desperate, humor, less, relationship, situationship, sounds, terminology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on YouTube this month:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

48 shares on Discord this month:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

67 shares on Discord this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

13 shares on Slack this month:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Spotted on Messenger:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Just landed via X:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Trending via Reddit:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Just shared via Discord:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Going viral on Facebook:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Trending via Slack:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨