Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Live now on Slack:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Making waves on Facebook:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Making waves on TikTok:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Live now on Instagram:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Spotted on Reddit:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Going viral on YouTube:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my hair hasn't met shampoo in days, I'm convinced I'm only compatible with my couch! 😅🛋️💔

care, feel, feeling, feeling unlovable, hair, humor, hygiene, i, insecurity, personal, personal care, self-esteem, unlovable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

0

3 weeks ago

complain, cute, humor, i, irony, kid, kids, parent, spoil, spoiled
My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

0

3 months ago

9, company, CV, exaggeration, good, humor, job, job search, months, nine, nine months, reading, resume, search, still
I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

0

4 months ago

attitude, condescending, condescending tone, humor, i, myself, same, sarcasm, self-talk, special, talk, tone
Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

0

2 months ago

5, after, anniversary, couple, getting, honeymoon, humor, life, long-term, marriage, married, married life, opinion, relationship, right, road, term, unpopular
Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

0

2 months ago

access, giving, humor, internet, irony, mistake, people, technology
There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

0

2 months ago

actually, doing, expertise, grocery, grocery store, humor, joking, know, needs, people, sarcasm, shopping, store

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

78 shares on X this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

69 shares on Threads this month:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Spotted on WeChat:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Just landed via Facebook:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Trending via TikTok:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨