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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via X:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Going viral on WeChat:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Going viral on X:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Trending via Instagram:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Breaking via Reddit:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having a crush be like, suddenly turning into a financial advisor just to impress! 💸😂

ambition, crush, girl, having, humor, let, love, me, money, motivation, things, think, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

0

5 months ago

40, attraction, coworker, distance, feet, hot, hours, humor, just, office, proximity, time, week, work
It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

0

2 months ago

armor, disappointment, expectation, humor, just, knight, moron, relationship, shining, sucks, tinfoil, woman
I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

0

2 months ago

amount, better, humor, i, lot, me, plutonium, sarcasm, small, small amount, think, treat
Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

0

3 days ago

cataclysmic, cataclysmic event, event, events, finger, fingers, humor, skin
People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

0

2 months ago

annoy, humor, i, interaction, life, me, online, people, real, real life, sarcasm, social, social interaction
So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

0

5 months ago

commentary, days, humor, i, irony, judgmental, just, looking, observation, people, social, social commentary, tell, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Discord this month:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

74 shares on Slack this month:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

63 shares on Discord this month:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Making waves on Slack:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Broadcasted on X:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Shared recently on X:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Making waves on Twitch:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Going bananas on Threads:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Shared recently on X:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨