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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Just landed via Threads:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Going viral on Instagram:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Just landed via Twitch:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Making waves on YouTube:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about irony, featuring a witty exchange with a homeless man.

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Commentary:
Guess who's the king of the driveway now? 🏠🔑😎

comeback, homeless, homeless man, house, house key, humor, i, insult, interaction, irony, just, key, keys, loser, man, me, social, social interaction

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on X this month:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

84 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

15 shares on Discord this month:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Shared recently on X:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Trending via WeChat:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Spotted on X:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Breaking via YouTube:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨