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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, thatโ€™s an interesting thought, hereโ€™s six billion more.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, itโ€™s only half the distance.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

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I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Commentary:
When even autocorrect sides with me, you know my lyrics are the real deal ๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŽค #LyricGenius

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes itโ€™s cancer.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

If youโ€™re not happy single you wonโ€™t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.