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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,479

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Freshly posted on Discord:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Spotted on Twitch:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Seen just now on X:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Just landed via X:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

2 months ago

0

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When even autocorrect sides with me, you know my lyrics are the real deal 😂🎤 #LyricGenius

actually, humor, i, lyrics, opinion, sense, think, version

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

0

2 months ago

diaper, getting, group, guy, just, okay, people, pooping, ridiculous, son
Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

0

2 months ago

dress, girl, girls, happier, happiness, pocket, pockets, science
Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

0

2 months ago

beloved, beloved life, death, emotional, emotional humor, harm, humor, irony, life, life struggle, me, pain, struggle
Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

0

2 months ago

appetite, big, craving, food, forget, forklift, fun, humor, i, joke, joke about food, mini, needs, oversized, pizza, want
I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

0

2 months ago

annoying, conflict, humor, i, interaction, just, let, me, nice, people, personality, social, social interaction, struggle, want
A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

0

2 months ago

bad, good, heartbreak, humor, laughter, love, music, relationship, ruin, song

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

88 shares on X this month:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

24 shares on X this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,704

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Going viral on TikTok:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Trending via Telegram:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Just landed via Slack:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Making waves on YouTube:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

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