Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Trending via Reddit:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Whale, I guess they thought that name was "sperm"-endous! 😂🐋🔞

after, allowed, animal, animal name, bet, guy, humor, i, name, naming, sperm, sperm whale, things, whale, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

0

2 months ago

adventure, being, darkness, fun, giggling, horse, humor, imagination, imagine, lads, mischief, trojan, Trojan horse
Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

0

2 months ago

bed, breakfast, current, humor, laziness, lying, manifest, morning, relaxing, situation, trying
Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

0

1 month ago

frustration, movie, pain, subtitle, subtitles, syncing, watching
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

0

5 months ago

communication, guys, i, just, last, late, late reply, message, night, reply, restaurant, saw, socializing, sorry, still, text, text message
I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

0

2 months ago

communication, contact, humor, i, life, media, modern, modern life, sarcasm, social, social media, technology, telepathy, text, texting
I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

0

2 months ago

battles, humor, i, lazy, let, me, pick, procrastination, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Facebook this month:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

40 shares on Threads this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Just shared via Discord:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Breaking via Snapchat:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨