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Well, who wouldn't scream if they were suddenly plucked from their cozy nest and expected to lay an egg every day? 🐔🥚 Maybe they're just trying to get their morning squawk-ee in! 🤪 #ChickensBeforeCoffee

chicken, humor, i, morning, scream, understand, wake, wake up, why

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If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

1 month ago
context, fish, give, gone, humor, lesson, lose, man
If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

2 months ago
browser, calculator, embarrassing, history, humor, technology
Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

1 month ago
chore, clean, cleaning, dirty, house, humor, irony, self
Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

1 month ago
advice, back, banana, drink, funny advice, humor, hydration, self-care, water
No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

1 month ago
alcohol, comedy, decisions, drinking, humor, i, influence, influencers, lifestyle, making, media, old fashioned, social, social media, thanks, under
Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

1 month ago
advice, calm, coming, conversation, demon, humor, Lucifer, me, right, thing, yourself

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

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Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

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Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

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If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

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The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

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Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

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Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Freshly posted on X:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Just landed via Discord:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Going viral on YouTube:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Going bananas on YouTube:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

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I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

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I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

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