Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,587

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Going bananas on Threads:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Going bananas on YouTube:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🏆 And the award for Best Performance in Dental Deception goes to… *drumroll* YOU! 🎬🍭 Just imagine the acceptance speech: "I would like to thank my sweet tooth for always being there, even when I had to pretend it didn't exist in the dentist's chair." 😂 #OscarWorthyPerformance #NoCandyConfessions

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Reddit this month:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

100 shares on Instagram this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

60 shares on Threads this month:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is optimism.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,241

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Trending via YouTube:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Trending via Messenger:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Spreading quickly via X:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Breaking via Slack:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

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