Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1771 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,933

Funny Quotes Topics

14,747

Funny Quotes Images

11,933

4 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Just shared via Twitch:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Going viral on Instagram:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Trending via Snapchat:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Trending via Slack:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Trending via WhatsApp:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Going viral on Threads:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

4 months ago

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🏆 And the award for Best Performance in Dental Deception goes to… *drumroll* YOU! 🎬🍭 Just imagine the acceptance speech: "I would like to thank my sweet tooth for always being there, even when I had to pretend it didn't exist in the dentist's chair." 😂 #OscarWorthyPerformance #NoCandyConfessions

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1771 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,933

Funny Quotes Topics

14,747

Funny Quotes Images

11,933

4 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Discord:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Going viral on Telegram:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Just landed via Reddit:

Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Freshly posted on X:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Reported on Discord:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

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