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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Spotted on WeChat:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Making waves on X:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Just landed via Twitch:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

0
I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to open that package turns me into the Hulk, but with way fewer muscles and a lot more frustration 😤💪📦

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Threads this month:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

13 shares on X this month:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

50 shares on X this month:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

37 shares on Threads this month:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

48 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The government even made aliens boring.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,350

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Trending via Instagram:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Live now on Telegram:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Trending via Slack:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Trending via YouTube:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

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