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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,847

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Shared recently on Slack:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Breaking via Messenger:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Spreading quickly via X:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Going viral on X:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Making waves on Facebook:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to open that package turns me into the Hulk, but with way fewer muscles and a lot more frustration 😤💪📦

frustration, hate, here, i, open, opening, package, person, sealed, tear, tear here, try, using

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

1 month ago
activity, always, aquarium, date, dating, dating signs, fun, fun activity, going, man, museum, new, new relationship, outing, relationship, signs, someone, tell
Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

1 month ago
40s, age, aging, breath, breathlessness, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, run, running, sh, trying, welcome
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

2 weeks ago
bit, conversation, every, family, family gathering, gathering, going, holiday, humor, incorrectly, joke, mispronunciation, name, politician, politicians, politics, Thanksgiving
Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

1 month ago
activity, behavior, cat, dominance, entertainment, funny activity, humor, mischievous, over, owner, pet, pet behavior, pet owner, playful, reason, room, unexpected
Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

1 month ago
again, another, congrats, humor, i, introvert, know, meeting, never, person, social
The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

1 month ago
attitude, bigger, confidence, humor, personality, science, size, smaller, woman

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Trending via TikTok:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Live now on Facebook:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Live now on X:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

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I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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