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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

2 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Shared recently on Telegram:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Just shared via Telegram:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Just landed via Twitch:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Going viral on Discord:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Spotted on Slack:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Just landed via Reddit:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Going viral on Slack:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

5 months ago

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle of push-pull doors – the ultimate test of our IQ! 🚪💭 It's like a never-ending dance between you and the door, with one step forward and two steps back. Just when you think you've got it figured out, it sneaks up and surprises you! Maybe we should start a support group for fellow "door challenged" individuals! 😂🤦‍♂️🚶‍♀️ #PushPullPro

awkward, awkward moment, complicated, confusion, door, doors, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, irony, life, moment, pull, pull door, push, push door, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

2 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Breaking via WeChat:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Reported on X:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Reported on Instagram:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Just landed via Twitch:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Just shared via Twitch:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Just shared via Slack:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Breaking via Pinterest:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Trending via Discord:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Reported on TikTok:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

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