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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Making waves on WeChat:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Going viral on Telegram:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Making waves on X:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Just shared via Threads:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful, humorous text about email mishaps with exaggerated, funny language.

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Commentary:
This email's about to take your brain on a mini vacation. 🌬️🧠🤣

email, funny phrase, head, hope, humor, i, phrase, wordplay

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

30 shares on Threads this month:

Been getting really into nothing.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Live now on Snapchat:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Just shared via Threads:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Spotted on Discord:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Making waves on Twitch:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

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Activity Log ✨

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨