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Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

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When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

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Canadian Thanksgiving isnโ€™t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

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Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

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Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

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We always asked โ€œwhere is Waldoโ€ but never โ€œwho is Waldo hiding fromโ€.

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Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

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An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said Iโ€™m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

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If youโ€™re looking for another bad decision, Iโ€™m here.

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When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

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I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

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If I remember your number, that's true love in the age of contacts and speed dial! ๐Ÿ“žโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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