Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,725

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Just shared via YouTube:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Making waves on Slack:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Breaking via Slack:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Broadcasted on X:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your kid's "special" gift comes with a side of intimidation 😂🎁🙄

day, family, gift, humor, i, joke, kid, mother’s, Mother’s Day, parenting, something, special, threat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

0

2 months ago

Batman, costume, creativity, dress, ever, fashion, humor, i, impress, suit, superhero, thought, told
The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, comparison, cup, energy, humor, me, motivation, Popeye, second, spinach
You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

0

2 months ago

digestion, enjoy, gut, gut health, health, health joke, health rant, humor, joke, just, kombucha, lighthearted, need, rant, wellness
“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

0

2 months ago

adventure, explain, explanation, gap, humor, i, interview, job, job interview, missing, national, national park, park, resume
Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

0

2 months ago

dating, humor, interested, not interested, nothing, order, rejection, relationship, restraining, restraining order
People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

0

4 months ago

accusation, accuse, arrogance, delusion, enough, grandeur, humor, me, people, sarcasm, self-confidence, worship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

92 shares on X this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Just shared via TikTok:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Going viral on Messenger:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Seen just now on X:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Making waves on Twitch:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Shared recently on Threads:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Trending via Messenger:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨