Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your dad was the original HVAC influencer! 😂🌬️🤷‍♂️

airflow, childhood, conversation, dad, family, father, home, humor, i, miss, opening, talking, ventilation, Windows

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

2 months ago

days, downs, humor, life, perspective, table, toe, ups, ups and downs
Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, everyone, free, Friday, humor, joke, Monday, satire, should, through, workday
I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

2 months ago

am, cut, donut, expectation, food, half, humor, i, identity, irony, person, self-discovery, thought
I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

2 months ago

backpack, bed, big, comfort, difference, guy, humor, i, let, once, relationship, short, short guy, size, size difference, spoon
Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

2 months ago

beginning, cars, deer, front, humor, irony, sacrifice, throw, understand, understanding, wildlife
Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

2 months ago

back, bored, boredom, flirting, humor, interaction, relationship, situation, situations, social, social interaction, unwanted, unwanted situation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

35 shares on X this month:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Breaking via Reddit:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Going viral on Discord:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Going viral on X:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Breaking via Messenger:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨