Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,257

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Trending via Messenger:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Trending via Pinterest:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Just shared via Twitch:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Making waves on Instagram:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Going viral on Threads:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Trending via Pinterest:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my computer is the only thing getting its steps in today! 🖥️🤸‍♂️🛋️

break, computer, couch, humor, i, lying, me, procrastination, reminder, stretch, technology, told, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dear Santa, Money!

0

2 months ago

Christmas, holiday, humor, money, request, Santa, wish
I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

0

2 months ago

E, extra, humor, i, letter, much, music, time, typing, Weeknd, wonder
You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

0

2 months ago

assassination, back, back seat, driving, historical, historical reference, humor, irony, JFK, killed, me, reference, seat, sit, thing, want
Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

0

5 months ago

earthquake, event, humor, interruption, me, rest, tired, trying, unexpected, unexpected event
If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

0

2 months ago

behavior, cat, couch, humor, leave, lift, pet, pet behavior, Velcro, want
I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

0

2 months ago

Chrome, clean, cleaning, contain, humor, i, information, organization, procrastination, survival, tabs, technology, tried

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

11 shares on X this month:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

43 shares on Facebook this month:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dear Santa, Money!

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨