Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Just landed via Slack:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Making waves on Discord:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Seen just now on Messenger:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Seen just now on Facebook:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Going viral on Twitch:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Spotted on WeChat:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Shared recently on Threads:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Spotted on Slack:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my computer is the only thing getting its steps in today! 🖥️🤸‍♂️🛋️

break, computer, couch, humor, i, lying, me, procrastination, reminder, stretch, technology, told, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t hate me, date me!

0

2 months ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, flirting, hate, humor, love, me, playful, relationship
My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, contingency, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunt, me, plan, point, retirement, retirement plan, security, thinking, treasure, treasure hunt, wealth, wishful, wishful thinking
Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

0

2 months ago

ever, honesty, humor, i, irony, lie, lying, phrase, stress, time, worry
My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

0

1 month ago

basket, bigger, duck, egg, eggs, elephant, fish, food, fried, fried food, humor, idiom, row
I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

0

2 months ago

always, appreciate, appreciation, contrast, doing, humor, i, just, kind, moon, moving, nature, predictability, respect, sky, sun, whatever
Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

0

2 months ago

animal, cat, cleaning, couch, hair, humor, humorously, i, judging, left, mess, pet, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Discord this month:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Going viral on Twitch:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Live now on Snapchat:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Spotted on Messenger:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I need a day off from myself.

Making waves on X:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m running out of people I like.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t hate me, date me!

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨