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Commentary:
Oh, the divine exhaustion of being all-powerful! 😅🙌 It seems even God might feel the need for a little extra R&R on the celestial couch. Who knew omnipotence could be so tiring? 💤 #DivineTimeOff

days, God, humor, i, irony, relaxation, rested, work

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Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

1 month ago

body, body image, dieting, feels, fitness, good, health, humor, image, loss, motivation, nothing, self-esteem, skinny, weight, weight loss
The first step to recovery is addiction.

1 month ago

addiction, first step, humor, irony, recovery, step
Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

5 months ago

activity, along, app, apps, base, baseball, baseball game, beer, dating, dating app, dog, dogs, drinking, eating, first base, game, hot, hot dog, humor, line, social, social activity, start, time, working
My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

1 month ago

change, exercise, favorite, fitness, gym, humor, joke, machine, put, snack, snacks, vending, vending machine, where
My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

2 months ago

advice, apocalypse, canned, canned goods, dead, eat, expired, expired food, food, funny advice, goods, humor, pantry, still, survival, takeaway, walking, Walking Dead, zombie, zombie apocalypse
“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

1 month ago

age, body, humor, knee, popping, self-talk, standing, youth

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

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That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Going bananas on Slack:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Trending via Messenger:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My love language is being sent money.

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Activity Log ✨

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

The first step to recovery is addiction.

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

The feminine urge to start a coven.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

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If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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