Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Trending via Threads:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to solve this mystery feels more like a math problem disguised as dinner prep! 🍽️🧅🤔

cooking, dehydration, eaten, food, food question, food science, humor, i, measurement, much, need, onion, onion powder, onions, powder, question, science, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

0

2 months ago

bite, conflict, humor, mythology, question, transformation, vampire, zombie
If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

0

2 months ago

anything, crazy, different, human, human nature, humor, me, media, nature, personality, social, social media, taught
Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

0

2 months ago

aging, around, car, driving, forgetfulness, hour, humor, looking, lot, mall, parking, parking lot, senility, spent
I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

0

2 months ago

correcting, everything, expensive, free, grammar, humor, i, just, know, online, remember, right, still
I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

0

2 months ago

confusion, construction, humor, i, know, next, next steps, questions, steps, understand, understanding
Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, bald, being, every, floating, humor, imagine, joke, just, mirror, time, toupée, vampire, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

29 shares on X this month:

January is the Monday of the year.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

51 shares on WeChat this month:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Seen just now on X:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Just shared via Discord:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Spotted on Telegram:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Breaking via YouTube:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Making waves on YouTube:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Making waves on YouTube:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨