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Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

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15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Seen just now on Pinterest:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Breaking via Slack:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Going viral on Reddit:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Shared recently on Twitch:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Going viral on YouTube:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

3 weeks ago

Witty quote highlighting the humorous power of making plans over indecision.

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Commentary:
Wow, who knew confidence could be booked in advance? 🚗🍽️😂

communication, date, expectations, held, humor, i, men, only, pick, plans, power, relationships, reservation, reservations, uncertainty, whatever

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63 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

54 shares on X this month:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Just landed via Slack:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Just shared via Snapchat:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Making waves on Facebook:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Spotted on Facebook:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

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If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

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