If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Hold on, let me overthink this.