Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,249

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Just shared via Slack:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Just landed via WeChat:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Trending via Discord:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Freshly posted on X:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, love this! 😂 I'm just a playlist of emotions, and today's hit is "Oops, I Did It Again!" 🎶😜🎵

humor, just, mood, mood swings, moody, personality, shuffle, swings

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

0

2 months ago

application, applying, call, calls, communication, humor, imagine, interview, irony, job, job application, job interview, missed, missed call, numbers, phone, phone call, picking, random
I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

0

2 months ago

affection, cheeky, definitely, eyes, forehead, humor, humorist, i, playful, put, romantic, sarcasm, teasing, witty, wrinkles, WTF
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

0

3 weeks ago

child, equivalent, family, father, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sibling, time, want, zero
I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

0

2 months ago

compliment, confidence, delicious, girl, humor, i, love, myself, perfume, self-love, smell
Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

0

2 months ago

boredom, caught, checking, dry, humor, i, loneliness, myself, phone, weather
If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

0

2 months ago

bird, humor, i, ID, know, playful, poop, revenge, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Making waves on Instagram:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨