Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Just landed via Discord:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Spotted on Discord:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Going bananas on Telegram:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Going bananas on Messenger:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Breaking via Snapchat:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Going viral on X:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your soulmate gets jealous of an alarm clock, you know it's true love 😂⏰💤

button, dating, humor, i, love, me, morning, much, relationship, search, self-love, sleep, snooze, snooze button, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

0

2 months ago

activity, exercise, funny activity, humor, jog, jogging, jogging pant, kitchen, kitchen roll, pant, pants, roll
I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

0

2 months ago

believe, disbelief, find it funny, floor, hard, hard to believe, humor, i, laughing, rolling
My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying habit, communication, habit, habits, humor, husband, me, offended, offense, PowerPoint, presentation, relationship
Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

0

2 months ago

amazing, clothing, comfort, decision, humor, life, life decision, night, onesy, pee, practicality, question, sleepwear, struggle
One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

0

2 hours ago

amazing, back, communication, connection, dating, day, humor, just, meet, misunderstanding, person, relationship, text, texting
Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

0

5 months ago

being, bum, choice, college, delay, education, folks, humor, life, life choice, procrastination

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Slack this month:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

88 shares on X this month:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

30 shares on Slack this month:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Just landed via Slack:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Making waves on Reddit:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Seen just now on X:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Going viral on WeChat:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Live now on Reddit:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Just landed via Twitch:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨