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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Going viral on TikTok:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Seen just now on X:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Just shared via Slack:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

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It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.
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Commentary:
👏😂 Ah, the thrill of victorious clapping upon safely touching ground, as if we've just witnessed a legendary feat! Society has granted us permission once more to indulge in this quirky tradition – so let the applause soar as high as the airplane did! Who knew a simple descent could ignite such excitement? Let the claps fly! ✈️👏

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Instagram this month:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

78 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

47 shares on Threads this month:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

90 shares on Threads this month:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

22 shares on Discord this month:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Just landed via X:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Breaking via WeChat:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Going viral on WeChat:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Just landed via Facebook:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Just landed via Instagram:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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