Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Trending via WeChat:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Live now on Discord:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Shared recently on Discord:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Going viral on TikTok:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Long story short, I survived.

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Long story short, I survived.
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Commentary:
Barely made it through my own biopic! 🍿😂📖

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

100 shares on Threads this month:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

31 shares on Discord this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

58 shares on Threads this month:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,549

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Just landed via Messenger:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Trending via Threads:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Live now on Slack:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

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