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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Just landed via Threads:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Making waves on Discord:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Spotted on Pinterest:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
MS Teams: The drama queen of software, assuming I've gone on a world tour every time I blink 🌍✈️😂

1, away, call, country, home, laptop, left, ms, MS Teams, remote, remote work, say, second, Teams, technology, video, video call, work, work from home

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

0

2 months ago

conversation, dating, dude, every, girl, humor, inbox, self, talking, texting
I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

0

2 months ago

casual, casual speech, coming, crazy, going, humor, invitation, me, speech
I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

0

2 months ago

act, crazy, dating, hate, i, month, months, new, relationship, relationships, start
“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

0

2 months ago

busy, call, depends, me, need, plans, tomorrow
Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

0

2 months ago

am, communication, directions, frustration, humor, i, me, people, predictive, predictive text, recipe, send, technology, text, Thanksgiving, tired
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

0

2 months ago

animal, call, humor, joke, mating, noise, stomach, whale

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

59 shares on Threads this month:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

75 shares on X this month:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

68 shares on Threads this month:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Making waves on Discord:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Spotted on Slack:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Making waves on Twitch:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨