Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,992

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Going viral on Pinterest:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Going viral on Snapchat:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Spotted on Slack:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

My body is a vessel for various dips.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm a dip-lomat managing multiple delicious territories! 🥳🥚🎉

body, dip, eating, food, humor, snack, vessel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

0

1 month ago

affection, angel, being, compliment, flattery, getting, girl, humor, kiss, public
I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

0

2 months ago

activity, comfort, comfort zone, end, funny activity, humor, i, limits, myself, push, pushing, pushing limits, relaxation, self-improvement, sitting, sofa, zone
Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

0

2 months ago

back, back scratcher, creative, creative use, funny idea, gadget, humor, idea, lightsaber, low, quirky, quirky suggestion, sci-fi, scratcher, scratching, star, Star Wars, suggestion, wars
Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

0

2 months ago

bed, carry, end, exhaustion, forget, humor, me, relaxation, talk, weekend, workweek
I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

0

2 months ago

construction, day, historical, historical reference, humor, i, job, know, reference, Rome, sarcasm, wit
Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

0

1 month ago

aging, cherry, cherry tomato, dream, dream job, fun, gardening, getting, goal, goals, grow, growing, growing plant, humor, job, land, life, life goal, older, plant, success, things, tomato, transition

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Live now on Instagram:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Just landed via Slack:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Going viral on TikTok:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Trending via Slack:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Spotted on Twitch:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨