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Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Making waves on WeChat:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Going viral on Telegram:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny holiday quote about convincing kids Santa won't come without a spotless house.

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Commentary:
Sounds like Santa's not just checking his list twice, but inspecting for dust bunnies too! 🧹🎅✨

Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, favorite, house, i, kid, kids, Santa, spotless, tell, tradition, where

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on X this month:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Making waves on TikTok:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Breaking via Messenger:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Trending via Twitch:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

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Activity Log ✨

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

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Activity Log ✨

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Keep the laugh going 😂

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨